Ever since we are born, our experiences leave lasting impressions on us. Along with these experiences, we accumulate beliefs. Just like a room full of belongings, these beliefs, when not controlled, tend to lead us to mental clutter. Over time, this accumulation of beliefs will impair and fragment our thought process.
I have experienced first-hand a fragmented thought process, during my burnout.
the accumulation
Throughout my life, I had my fair share of meeting difficult people. People who created the impression that I was worthless in this life; that I did not belong in the environments I was part of. To cope with these negative impressions, I unknowingly developed various defense mechanisms.
For example, one of the mechanisms I built was the overachiever mindset, always doing more than necessary, hoping people would see me and my worth. Another was the avenger syndrome, where I felt the need to overprotect others. This made me quite aggressive and impatient in my interactions.
This accumulation of compensating mechanisms went on until the lowest point in my burnout.
the decluttering
To start with, it took me a great deal of work and convincing to accept that it was time for a mental defragmentation; that I needed to declutter my mind and set my thoughts and core beliefs in order.
This process of decluttering was excruciating. Having to relive all the bad memories and experiences of the past opened long-forgotten wounds. This added more emotional load to an already overwhelmed system. Unfortunately, I had to do it, and for the first time, I had to do it alone. I could not resort to anyone else to take it away from me.
One by one, I took those experiences and looked at them. I could see that it was not so much on me, as it was on the others. They had their own battles happening internally. They were facing their own threats and demons, and were putting forth their defense mechanisms. I had to convince myself that I was not a powerless kid anymore, and that today I can protect myself against such vicious attacks.
It took a lot of time sitting in meditation and reflecting on the random flashbacks, cleaning each one of them. I needed to understand which mechanisms I had built and learn how to remove them. In doing this, I created a supporting process for myself.
my process
Today, whenever I feel my thought process gets cluttered, I sit. I sit and reflect on the experiences and understand where I went wrong, what's under my control, and what is the responsibility of the other person.
Through this process of self-reflection and mental decluttering, I've learned how important it is to regularly examine my thoughts and beliefs. It's an ongoing practice that has significantly improved my mental well-being and resilience.
How do you deal with your mental clutter?
